Newlywed at 50
I have lived by myself for most of my adult life. There was a period in my early twenties when I lived in a duplex with a group of folks. That time convinced me that I was not meant for group living.
So here I am at 50 sharing a home with this man who is now my husband. We met in 2004, got engaged in 2007 and married this year, very recently, in fact.
Over the course of our relationship, I have learned a lot. Mostly about myself. I’m a kind person but I do like to have my way and my brother has accused me more than once of having to have the last word in any discussion or argument. This relationship has chilled me out a little, I think, and made me more considerate of others.
Lesson #1. I’ve learned that just because someone does something differently from the way I would have done it, doesn’t mean they did it wrong. It just means they did it differently. Not better or worse, just different. I know that sounds simple, but it’s really a big deal, especially for a woman who’s lived most of her life by herself and done things the way she wanted to do them.
So what if when he cooks, he uses every pot and pan in the kitchen? That’s the way he does it. And he’s a great cook. So I focus on his cooking, and the heart that he has to do it for us (including breakfast in bed for me), and the dirty pots and pans don’t matter at all. I’m just grateful that he doesn’t make me clean up.
So what if he doesn’t open his mail as soon as he gets it out of the mailbox the way I do? That’s his mail and his process. Why do I even have a position on it?
So what if he doesn’t fill up the gas tank every time he stops for gas? Now this was a big one for us because I’d get in the car and have to go for gas. I still don’t think he fills up all the time but I haven’t gotten in the car with a low tank in a while.
I guess the real lesson is “don’t sweat the small stuff.” I’ve grown to trust George over the time I’ve known him so I’ve learned to always give him the benefit of the doubt. Every time I’ve doubted his intentions, he’s proven me wrong. He may do things that irk me at times, but that’s never his intention. His heart is always for my best. Knowing that, it’s easy for me to accept our differences and even appreciate them. We’re a good team and I’m blessed to have him in my life.
For those of you wondering, George and I talked about my blogging about our relationship and he’s on board with it. I think my next post will be about the different ways we use the TV remote control. Now that’s been a trip!
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November 30th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
I totally relate! I got married in my mid-30s to a man in his 40s. We were both very set in our ways!
November 30th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I am so happy for you. I am learning as I grow older, not to sweat the small stuff. I think if you got married, i still have a change myself. (I’m in my early 40’s never been married either!) many blessings to you both.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Wow you learned some great lessons really fast, I think you are going to be alright, but i am going to tell you a little secret , When things start to go crazy HONEY PRAY, i have been married almost 19 years and i can not begin to count how many times i have had to pray on the dime, but i am sure you know that Prayer is the Key, just remember my favorite scripture:
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST THAT STRENGTHENS ME!!!!! and
CONGRATULATION!!!!!!
November 30th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
God is always surprising us, isn’t He? There’s always something new and something new to learn around the corner. I’m so thrilled and excited for you! We have to catch up.
Sharon
November 30th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
“Set in our ways.” We should have a plaque for that in our house, Carleen.
Thanks, Pam, Apryl and Sharon. Married life is definitely a new and exciting adventure for me.
December 1st, 2009 at 2:55 am
Congratulations Angela!
December 1st, 2009 at 10:23 am
Angela,
You’re going to be married for a long time
You’ve learned lesson some folks take years to figure out.
You can be set in your ways, just don’t let it come between you and remember to always communicate. Once you lose that, it’s hard to get back.
Congratulations on your new marriage and may God bless it with much happiness.
Don’t let him stop cooking for you. LOL
December 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Hi Everyone,
Apryl Orr said it best.
I’ve been married six years and I have found myself praying on a dime more times than I can remember – LOL!
December 1st, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Congratulations on your new marriage! I agree with LaShaunda, you’ve definitely learned lessons some folks take years to figure out. I’m one of them, LOL, but thank God he’s kept me and my hubby together for 17 and married for 15.
December 1st, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Charlotte, LaShaunda, Rosiland, and Veronica–
I feel like I’ve joined a new sorority. I appreciate hearing from my more experienced soros.
December 3rd, 2009 at 12:17 am
Congratulations! Marriage is the best of things and the worst of things. I learned in a class that God uses our spouses to change us. We cannot see our back but our spouses can. I’ve been married for four years and in the 1st year I was convinced that marriage was God’s idea of a joke, but just like you, I learned alot about myself. Learned a lot of things that I asked God to help me change. The 1st couple of years are the hardest but see every difference, every argument, and every disagreement as a way for you to grow. Look for God in every issue. I’m so excited that you are married. Your spouse is your best friend. You two will love the companionship and friendship of marriage once you get over those rough spots.
Many blessings,
Trina
December 3rd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
That lesson will take you a long way in your marriage. There are others you’ll learn in your own time and by way of your own experiences, but that first one will never fail you.
Congratulations to you and George! May you have many years of blessed marriage.
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Getting married later in life is to your advantage. You’ve already learned not to sweat the small stuff. I used to get upset because my husband didn’t line up the seams of the comforter with the edge of the mattress when he made the bed. Then one of my friends told me that her husband has never made the bed, washed dishes, or a load of laundry. After that conversation, I shut up.
December 4th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Trina, Patricia and Mildred, thanks for the insights. Being in this relationship has made me take a closer look at myself and my decision-making process.
Mildred, a big key really is to just “shut up.” LOL!